That Comedian You've Never Heard Of: March 2013

This is a question which we all think about - be it hourly, daily, weekly, monthly. We have all wondered, at some point in life - how many kisses should I put at the end of a text?

Here is a short poem I have written about my thoughts and experiences on this dilemma. You can also listen to me reading it. Or just read it yourself. Or both! Heyyyy, knock yourself out.

Hope you enjoy!

How Many Kisses?

There comes a point in everyone’s life
No matter what age, race or sex
When everyone wonders just how many kisses
To put at the end of a text?

If you’re texting your boss, or a girl you know well
You wouldn’t show the same affection.
You write none or a few, to ensure that you
Don’t get an unwanted reaction.

You don’t want to be rude, or overly friendly
Depending on who and the context
You don’t want to be dissed by the people you’ve kissed
Too many or too few times in texts.

If you are unsure then it’s probably best
To give all those x's the chop.
Won’t alter their mood, after all it’s not rude
To end with a simple full stop.

Unless you’re a couple, would that be weird
If you ended with just punctuation?
I guess it would be right, if you were having a fight
Does it change by situation?

Or maybe this is just an over reaction
Perhaps it doesn’t matter at all
If you’re that concerned, that you might get burned
Instead dial their number and call.

For me, I’m not worried or paranoid
About the mess I might find myself in
I just want respect, so I end every text
With a pleasant “best regards, Glynn.”

Maybe that’s why no-one texts me back
And my inbox is suffering a drought
It’s a sign from above; I should show more text love
From now on I’ll start text putting out.

That must be the reason my phone rarely beeps,
I know this now, deep in my gut
So now don’t be surprised if you get a reply
From me, the new-born text-slut.