Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day! https://t.co/vVJ0SZeZP8

— Glynn Jones (@TheRealGlynn) June 16, 2013

Bit of an overraction?

Bit of an overreaction... vine.co/v/bLQLQ0Miig9

— Glynn Jones (@TheRealGlynn) June 9, 2013

How Many Kisses? - A Short Poem

This is a question which we all think about  - be it hourly, daily, weekly, monthly. We have all wondered, at some point in life - how many kisses should I put at the end of a text?

Here is a short poem I have written about my thoughts and experiences on this dilemma. You can also listen to me reading it. Or just read it yourself. Or both! Heyyyy, knock yourself out.

Hope you enjoy!





How Many Kisses? 

There comes a point in everyone’s life
No matter what age, race or sex
When everyone wonders just how many kisses
To put at the end of a text?

If you’re texting your boss, or a girl you know well
You wouldn’t show the same affection.
You write none or a few, to ensure that you
Don’t get an unwanted reaction.

You don’t want to be rude, or overly friendly
Depending on who and the context
You don’t want to be dissed by the people you’ve kissed
Too many or too few times in texts.

If you are unsure then it’s probably best
To give all those x's the chop.
Won’t alter their mood, after all it’s not rude
To end with a simple full stop.

Unless you’re a couple, would that be weird
If you ended with just punctuation?
I guess it would be right, if you were having a fight
Does it change by situation?

Or maybe this is just an over reaction
Perhaps it doesn’t matter at all
If you’re that concerned, that you might get burned
Instead dial their number and call.

For me, I’m not worried or paranoid
About the mess I might find myself in
I just want respect, so I end every text
With a pleasant “best regards, Glynn.”

Maybe that’s why no-one texts me back
And my inbox is suffering a drought
It’s a sign from above; I should show more text love
From now on I’ll start text putting out.

That must be the reason my phone rarely beeps,
I know this now, deep in my gut
So now don’t be surprised if you get a reply
From me, the new-born text-slut.

Please feel free to comment/like/share the post! You can contact me through the various channels below:

Twitter: @TheRealGlynn

Website: www.GlynnJonesComedy.com

Facebook: GlynnJonesComedy

Videos: YouTube Channel

Writer's Block?

If all else fails...

Valentine's Day: A Poem

A silly little Valentine's poem, which does not start with "Roses are red..."

When you want to tell that special someone
You think about every day
That you think about them every day
But in a non-creepy way.

If only there was a time in the year
When this was considered okay
Thank God for Mister Valentine
Who created his very own day.

There is now the perfect time to give
Your perfect lady or chap
The gift that they have always wanted
Like a balloon, or some other cheap crap.

But do not tell them who it’s from,
Your name you must not sign
Be subtle, be romantic (creepy)
“From your Valentine.”

Or if you’re feeling confident
That your chat-up line is first-rate
Then go up and tell them face-to-face
You might even get a date.

Take them to a nice restaurant
And end up going berserk
When you’re told that on this ONE single day
Your discount voucher won’t work.

Finally, a note to all you couples
With your happy loved-up smiles
Spare a thought for those of us
Who have been single for a while.

Yes, that’s me on my own in the pub
Drinking a bottle of wine
I raise my fifteenth glass to you
Mister Bloody Valentine.

I'm actually a hopeless romantic myself. Check out this incredibly heartfelt love song...recorded whilst alone...in my bedroom...to nobody...

Applications for the post of "Glynn's Valentine" are now open. Tweet me @TheRealGlynn to apply.

Please apply.

Please.

I'm joking - I'm not desperate.

But seriously, just apply.

The bad gigs: who is to blame?

Ok, so I haven’t been on the circuit for long - hell, I’m not even really on the circuit at all yet. But one thing that really annoys me during open mic gigs is when comedians turn on the audience if their material starts taking a turn for the worse.

Everyone has a bad gig. Everyone. If you have not had a bad experience whilst performing, then you either need to gig more or...well, congratulations. You are officially the first comedian in the history of the world to only ever have perfect gigs.

There are a number of ways in which you could deal with a crowd that hasn’t reacted in the way that you had planned. Here are a few:

1. You could completely ignore the fact that it’s not going very well and blindly rush through your 5 minute set in 90 seconds before sprinting off the stage at the end; or 
2. Acknowledge the fact that your joke didn’t work - perhaps it sounded better in your head - and be honest with the audience; or 
3. Shuffle your feet, look down at them, go silent and refuse to speak; or 
4. Arrogantly tell the audience that the joke deserved more than they reacted with, blaming them for the fact that there is now an awkward tension in the room. 

Which would you do? How would you respond in the audience to a comedian behaving like this?

Now, I’m not claiming that I know the “correct response.” For example, the audience is often going to sympathise with someone doing a gig for the first time and who perhaps reacts with numbers 1 or 3 - naturally, nerves can take over in this situation.

Personally, I try my best to react with a number 2 (toilet humour reference entirely unintended). Often, I have found that recovery on stage is possible simply by referencing how unfunny the joke was. How it was much funnier it was when said to myself in the shower. Or that I should stop asking my dog for jokes. Sometimes, an audience will just not gel with my sense of humour - that’s stand-up life.

However, how the hell can you expect to win an audience over if you react with number 4? This is me speaking as an audience member rather than a comedian...

You won’t have lost them with a bad joke - everyone tells them at some point - but you can be sure that you will lose them completely by blaming them for your bad material or delivery. Yet an astonishing number of so-called “professional” comedians I have watched seem to let their egos take over in these situations. Oh, and then they get paid.

Different audiences laugh at different jokes. Different audiences get offended by different references. Different audiences laugh and react in different ways. However, all audiences deserve respect, and you are only going to win theirs if you show them plenty in return.

Rant over.

How did it all begin?

After an improv-comedy show I performed in at university. Over a few pints. A good friend of mine - and a comedian himself - uttered the following words, with no idea what he was about to do to the world.

"Glynn, you're a pretty funny bloke. You should give stand up a go."

And thus, this whole thing was born.

Worth it? Judge for yourself.

Check out my first ever open mic set that I performed at a gig in London, at a bar in Liverpool Street a year ago, with nothing but a piece of paper, a guitar and an unhealthy amount of adrenaline...

I always appreciate feedback to gigs/videos/songs/material - good or bad! - so please feel free to leave a comment or drop me a tweet @TheRealGlynn