Poem: Forgotten Goodbyes

(Warning: Adult themes)

Website: www.GlynnJonesComedy.com
Vine: TheRealGlynn
Twitter: @TheRealGlynn
Facebook: GlynnJonesComedy
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Break Up? Wake Up.

Break Up? Wake Up.

A poem by Glynn Jones

At some point in your life
You'll meet someone really great
And label them with terms like "lover"
"Girlfriend," "boyfriend," "soulmate."

When you find that special someone
Don't let them grip onto your heart
Cos let's face it, like everything else
It will only ever fall apart.

Oh sorry, is that too pessimistic?
Written from a heart full of regret?
There's a thin line between love and hate
And this we must not forget.

The more you invest, the more you will lose
Be careful as stakes are too high
Cos whilst you might start out in a blissful dream
It'll hurt more when they say goodbye.

But hey, you know what, you'll be perfectly fine
You were before they wandered in
Just hold your head high, don't hide and go cry
And tweet me @TheRealGlynn*

So don't let what's happened keep getting you down
Put it in the experience bank.
Then take off your pants, sit back and relax
Take both hands and have a nice...beer.


*Did you notice the clever self-promotion hidden within the poem? You did? Oh. Cool. That was the plan. Yup. It was.


Follow Glynn on Twitter @TheRealGlynn
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How Many Kisses? - A Short Poem

This is a question which we all think about  - be it hourly, daily, weekly, monthly. We have all wondered, at some point in life - how many kisses should I put at the end of a text?

Here is a short poem I have written about my thoughts and experiences on this dilemma. You can also listen to me reading it. Or just read it yourself. Or both! Heyyyy, knock yourself out.

Hope you enjoy!





How Many Kisses? 

There comes a point in everyone’s life
No matter what age, race or sex
When everyone wonders just how many kisses
To put at the end of a text?

If you’re texting your boss, or a girl you know well
You wouldn’t show the same affection.
You write none or a few, to ensure that you
Don’t get an unwanted reaction.

You don’t want to be rude, or overly friendly
Depending on who and the context
You don’t want to be dissed by the people you’ve kissed
Too many or too few times in texts.

If you are unsure then it’s probably best
To give all those x's the chop.
Won’t alter their mood, after all it’s not rude
To end with a simple full stop.

Unless you’re a couple, would that be weird
If you ended with just punctuation?
I guess it would be right, if you were having a fight
Does it change by situation?

Or maybe this is just an over reaction
Perhaps it doesn’t matter at all
If you’re that concerned, that you might get burned
Instead dial their number and call.

For me, I’m not worried or paranoid
About the mess I might find myself in
I just want respect, so I end every text
With a pleasant “best regards, Glynn.”

Maybe that’s why no-one texts me back
And my inbox is suffering a drought
It’s a sign from above; I should show more text love
From now on I’ll start text putting out.

That must be the reason my phone rarely beeps,
I know this now, deep in my gut
So now don’t be surprised if you get a reply
From me, the new-born text-slut.

Please feel free to comment/like/share the post! You can contact me through the various channels below:

Twitter: @TheRealGlynn

Website: www.GlynnJonesComedy.com

Facebook: GlynnJonesComedy

Videos: YouTube Channel

Valentine's Day: A Poem

A silly little Valentine's poem, which does not start with "Roses are red..."

When you want to tell that special someone
You think about every day
That you think about them every day
But in a non-creepy way.

If only there was a time in the year
When this was considered okay
Thank God for Mister Valentine
Who created his very own day.

There is now the perfect time to give
Your perfect lady or chap
The gift that they have always wanted
Like a balloon, or some other cheap crap.

But do not tell them who it’s from,
Your name you must not sign
Be subtle, be romantic (creepy)
“From your Valentine.”

Or if you’re feeling confident
That your chat-up line is first-rate
Then go up and tell them face-to-face
You might even get a date.

Take them to a nice restaurant
And end up going berserk
When you’re told that on this ONE single day
Your discount voucher won’t work.

Finally, a note to all you couples
With your happy loved-up smiles
Spare a thought for those of us
Who have been single for a while.

Yes, that’s me on my own in the pub
Drinking a bottle of wine
I raise my fifteenth glass to you
Mister Bloody Valentine.

I'm actually a hopeless romantic myself. Check out this incredibly heartfelt love song...recorded whilst alone...in my bedroom...to nobody...

Applications for the post of "Glynn's Valentine" are now open. Tweet me @TheRealGlynn to apply.

Please apply.

Please.

I'm joking - I'm not desperate.

But seriously, just apply.